3 Simple Questions to Ask Before You Tie the Knot
You’re in a relationship that is heading toward marriage. How do you know if your guy or gal is a keeper? What signals or cues should you be looking for? Getting married can be a big step, so here are three simple questions to ask before you tie the knot.
1. How do the two of you fight? The first important question you need to ask yourself is how do the two of you fight? Stop for a moment and think about the last fight or the most recent argument you had with your romantic partner.
Did you raise your voice? Cry? Say things you regretted afterward? Conflict is a healthy part of relationships, but how you resolve it can be either bonding or destructive. If you handle conflict consistently in a destructive manner -- like screaming, interrupting, yelling or calling your partner names, studies show that you are more than twice as likely to divorce over time.
A good relationship is where the two of you fight fair. It is important that you pick your battles, know when to engage in an argument and when to let it go without resentment, don’t name call, and calm down when you talk.
2. Do you trust this person? Trust is an essential aspect of marriage. Before you make a commitment, be sure to ask yourself whether you trust this person. When we trust someone, we believe that person tells us the truth and that they wouldn’t hurt or deceive us. Since it's important that you and your partner each feel a sense of trust, be sure to have a “trust chat” before tying the knot.
This conversation will give both of you a strong sense of shared values (or not). Here are a few discussion questions to talk about during your trust chat:
a. What does commitment mean to you?
b. What does dependability mean to you?
c. Do you feel that your checking account, credit card bills and appointment book should be private or shared?
d. Do you trust me?
3. Are you and your partner similar in underlying values and attitudes? The last question you want to ask yourself before you tie the knot is whether the two of you are similar. Studies show that partners who have compatible beliefs, values and lifestyles stay together longer than partners who don't.
Does this mean that you have to like the same music and food? Absolutely not, although those differences might be important factors if you are set to marry a musician or a chef!
Read this list of 10 compatibility factors. If you and your mate-to-be aren't compatible in three or more of these essential categories, think long and hard before taking the walk down the aisle.
a. Willing to try new things that the other partner likes
b. Consider each other good friends
c. Like each other's family
d. Like each other's friends
e. Have personal habits/hygiene you each can live with
f. Share religious or political beliefs
g. Have similar spending habits/relationship to money
h. Like to have fun in similar ways for the most part
i. Have intellectual compatibility -- easy, fun, stimulating to talk to
j. Have physical compatibility -- good kisser, good sex or physically warm