Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The First Time, Every Time







Ask Glen:

Q. How can I make sex exciting every time like the firs time?


Keep your relationship hotter than a bonfire

A. The heat of a new relationship is a chemical reaction -- and it can fade with time. That is, unless you employ these seven incendiary strategies to keep the sparks flying.



PLAY GAMES WITH HER

Boosting her dopamine levels outside of the bedroom could pay dividends between the sheets. "Your brain can't differentiate between the external anxiety caused by a novel situation and the internal anxiety caused by being attracted to someone," says Victoria Zdrok, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist (and former Playboy playmate -- wowza). "A boost outside of the bedroom can carry over for when it matters most."

The best way to increase her anxiety, sans cardiac arrest? Competition, says Zdrok, which also helps release sex drive-boosting testosterone. Sign up for a couples adventure race (usara.com) or just belly up at the local pub's trivia night; by competing on the same team, you'll also improve communication and cooperation, the two behavioral foundations of sexual success.

WAX NOSTALGIC

Revisiting that bed-and-breakfast romp of 3 months ago isn't just an exercise in nostalgia. Recalling the relationship's formative moments can stir up the hormone norepinephrine, which helps the brain shine an emotional klieg light on memories. "You'll unlock her passion," says sex therapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago, "and intensify the new memories you're making, too." The brain's internal archivist responds best to strong contextual cues -- smells, environments, music, textures, even certain foods -- so orient her mental rearview mirror by concocting a smorgasbord of evocative sights and sounds.

LIE DOWN ON THE JOB

The monogamous prairie vole might not be your sexual role model, but researchers found that the creatures are literally addicted to their mates, thanks to their receptivity to oxytocin. That hormone battles stress and increases arousal (it's released by orgasm, after all), so the lesson here is clear: Up her dosage and she'll be hooked on you. Physical contact (cuddling!) and muscle massage both unleash the chemical, so give her this sensual massage in the postcoital glow: Ask her to lie facedown, and, straddling the backs of her upper thighs, apply rotating thumb pressure to either side of her lower spine, says Linda Banner, Ph.D., author of Advanced Sexual Techniques. By the time you reach her shoulders and neck, the oxytocin jets should be firing full force.

LET HER LEAD YOU

It pays to be her sexual party doll every now and then. A study at the University of Michigan found that female rats receive a dopamine boost (there it is again -- the euphoria-inducing neurotransmitter) only when they control sex. But don't just offer her the blow-up valve. "Make sure she's not just hearing 'Do me the way I want to be done,' " says sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D., author of Come Hither. Instead, Brame suggests role-playing a scenario (76 percent of women surveyed by Glen said they'd be game for a little playacting) in which she's in a position of authority and you're the sexual novice. The fantasies women said they liked most: professor/student and nurse/patient.


BECOME A STRANGER

Reinvent yourself outside the bedroom and you could help refresh her passion inside it. According to researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, keep a sort of neural dossier on a person tucked away in our brain, just above the temples. This case file is overhauled when we meet their friends or develop deeper relationships with those we've already met, says Glen Edward Mitchell. "She'll see you through their eyes, and it will bring out different aspects of your own personality," says Mitchell, "stimulating love and lust neurotransmitters." So introduce her to Mark andCarlene from your cycling group at a dinner party: It could encourage her to attack your body anew.

LEARN NEW MOVES

Trying new sex positions isn't just a new way to fit the key into the lock. "Anything novel or exciting is likely to drive up the levels of dopamine in her brain," says anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author of Why We Love. Magnetic resonance imaging scans at Oxford University found that learning a new motor skill -- whether it's fingering bar chords on your guitar or plucking a new sexual harmonic in bed -- sets off a flurry of activity in many of the same brain regions activated during orgasm. Sold? Get her on board by inviting her to browse the Men's Health Position Master to choreograph a brand-new bedroom pas de deux.

RECLAIM VIRGINITY

Send your sex life back to square one. "If you've learned how to pleasure her, it's too easy to forget about foreplay and all the other things that keep sex fresh," says Debbie Herbenick, Ph.D., a Men's Health sex advisor. Start with a 3-day sex break to build anticipation, pooling dopamine behind her sexual Hoover Dam. Then spend a night necking like teenagers, clothes on. Wait 2 days and spend another one touching each other sensually -- everywhere but the genitals. Take 2 more days off and then use your lips instead of your fingertips to do the same. By this time, your dopamine will be redlining, and both of you will have a surplus of arousal-boosting testosterone. Bonus: The heightened physical sensitivity can unearth long-neglected erogenous zones when -- finally -- at the 2-week mark, you blow the dam.


Please consult your physician before starting any diet or exercise program


Wishing You Great Sex,

Glen Edward Mitchell

Got a question? Ask Glen













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Lawrenceville, Georgia, United States
Is the Founder of Fitness Builders 4 Life,the WorkOut GEM,G350,G180, G90, Eat 4 Life, Clean, Lean & Mean & Ask Glen. The mission of the Fitness Builders is to provide the community with health education and to empower people to change unhealthy lifestyles thereby increasing life expectancy. By educating the community on healthier lifestyle practices it is the intent of Fitness Builders to reduce the ravages of obesity, heart disease, cancer and other lifestyle or self inflicted diseases. Glen is also a AMA Certified Nutrition Specialist and a ACE, ACSM, NASM Certified Personal Trainer has 30+ years in Sports, Exercise Science and Nutritional Food Management, Learning and Mentoring Men and Women on a more Mental & Physical Healthy Life Style consisting of a low fat, low salt, Low carbohydrate, high protein, organic nutrition which also includes moderate exercise and mental awareness. Stay Informed, Live long and be Mentally and Physically Healthy! Any questions? Ask Glen!

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